Cleanse Diary: Day 2

Dear Diary,

I want food. I want food all the time. If there’s one thing I’m taking from this cleanse, I’ve realized that when I’m bored, my first thought is “EAT SOMETHING!” I’m not hungry, I just want to munch. I’ve been thinking about food, pinning food, hell I smelled candles today at Bath and Body Works that smelled like food. Sea Salt Maple Popcorn? Be still my beating heart.

What it boils down to is that I’m sick of drinking juices and I’ve still got another day. Ugh. The juices all taste good but I’m bored. I want crunchy. I want chewy. I want savory, salty, sweet and everything in between. I really want to go to Dizengoff.

To be honest, I’m not getting the huge craze over cleanses. I don’t feel any different other than my extremely overactive bladder. No flat stomach, no flushed out digestive track, no internal “lightness.” The only thing I’ve been pleasantly surprised about is how well I’m surviving and recovering from my barre classes.

So….would I be the biggest failure in the world if I stopped tonight? See, I’m going to North Bowl and I’d LOVE some tots. I don’t think I’m strong enough to be in the presence of tots and not eat them. Napoleon Dynamite much? Regardless, Bonnie, make a strong mental note that if you ever have the glorious idea to cleanse again, that you should just do it for a day…. or a meal.



Cleanse Diary: Day 1

Dear Diary,

I survived Day 1 but why, oh why, does food smell so good? The juices fill me, but walking past Honeygrow today was more difficult than that hot yoga class last night. I’ve told myself that if I need to, I’ll eat half an avocado or something but so far so good. I’m honestly a little afraid to eat anything, however small, because I know myself… I’ll be munching down on a Crispy HipCity Ranch sandwich before you know it.

Overall, I’m really liking the juices and it definitely helps that my BF decided to join me. I couldn’t imagine having him cooking in the apartment. I lucked out with that one.

I’ve noticed with each juice comes a new set of thoughts and emotions. Here’s a little stream of conscious rambling based on my experience with  each drink:

Juice 1 (Green Juice): This is good… Kinda tastes just like my green juice at home… Wait this is pretty much my green juice recipe… Why did I pay for this?… ohhhh 6 pounds of fruit and veggies/juice…. Show offs.

Juice 2 (Pineapple, Apple, Mint): Mmmm delish!…What does this need?… Vodka!….ugh.

Juice 3 (Green Juice): Everyone around me is eating lunch… Just pretend this is a salad….  bread please!…. Stop being weak! It’s only been 1 morning of juice!

Juice 4 (Spicy Lemonade): Shit this is spicy… I have funky spicy breath and I’m meeting a bunch of people at the office… What a first impression.

Juice 5 (Beets): This is sour…. It better keep me alive before barre class… oh crap I’m definitely going to need to pee 20 times during barre class… #fail

Juice 6 (Vanilla Cinnamon Cashew Milk): This is just like the milk at the bottom of a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch SWOON… I’m going to live for this drink for the next 3 days… Wait are those chunks?

Rest assured world. I’m not going to bed hungry. T-2 days.


Clean Body. Clean Mind.


So I went to Whole Foods today to pick up some vitamins. What did I leave with? 18 bottles of juice. Kinda the same thing… right? Let me tell you how it happened. I was minding my business, trying all the free samples around the store when I walked by the juice aisle. That’s where I saw it… the little yellow sign. Blueprint Juices were on sale. Praise be to Gwyneth Paltrow.

I’ve been wanting to try a juice cleanse for a while but they are so expensive and trying to schedule 3 socially acceptable days to avoid food is very difficult! However, today the stars aligned. I’m fresh off of 10 days of vacation where I enjoyed eating just a little too much, I’ve got nothing to do besides go to barre classes and run some errands, and my next social engagement (a pool party with former classmates) is Saturday. Feeling like a fatty + 3 free days + wearing a bikini in front of more than my boyfriend + SALE + starting a new job on Monday and needing a physical reset= this (and a lot of concerned looks from elderly women in Whole Foods.) I swear I love food!!

So I realize I’m not in the prime position to start cleansing tomorrow. I didn’t spend all day yesterday eating salads and weaning my body off of sugars/carbs/solids in general. Today I’m trying to eat mostly veggies to make up for it. I’ve had avocado toast and some sweet potato fries as a snack. My last meal? Hummus and veggies.

Any tips for a cleansing virgin?


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